Mens-Health-Tips Terms and Conditions, Policy, and Disclaimer

Terms of Use and Disclaimer

(Also Known As The Legalese - Complete With Our Famous Plain-English Translations)

[TRANSLATION: You don't HAVE to use this site, so if you want to, here are our house rules.

If you are a self-responsible, grown-up, adult human being, you don't really need to read the rest of this stuff. You already know how to behave in public. The text below is for those who haven't got there yet. But it might be fun to read anyway, since you're already here...]

THE BLACK TEXT IS THE STANDARD LEGALESE BUMPF THAT YOU SEE ALL OVER THE WEB. THE RED/MAROON TEXT IS OUR TRANSLATION OF EACH SECTION INTO REAL-PEOPLE LANGUAGE.

Welcome to the Mens-Health-Tips.com ( MHT ) web site (the "Site"). Please read the following important terms and conditions (these "Terms of Use") carefully. These Terms of Use and our Privacy Policy, incorporated herein by reference, govern your access to and use of the Site, including any content, information products or services therein, including but not limited to ... well, we couldn't think of anything specific to mention here, but you get the idea. This is a legal agreement between you and the Men's Health Tips site ("( MHT ) " or "Site").

MHT reserves the right, at its sole discretion, at any time and for any reason or no reason, to: (i) modify, discontinue or terminate the Site; (ii) terminate/suspend user accounts; (iii) add, edit, remove Site or user content; (iv) modify, discontinue or terminate specific features, options and/or services of the Site; and, (v) modify these Terms of Use or any related terms and conditions governing your use of the Site (including but not limited to our Privacy Policy) at any time without notice. All modified terms and conditions will be effective immediately after they are initially posted on the Site.

[TRANSLATION: It's our sandbox; we get to decide how we run it. We can make changes, and they are in effect as soon as they are announced. We don't have to give advance warning and grace periods. Those are for sissies.

But we won't make any policies that we don't announce... mostly. If somebody decides to behave like a real ass in ways that we have not anticipated, we can bounce them immediately and even pursue further remedies if we're really pissed, and if that sounds like retro-active policy-making, so be it.

Mostly we're pretty reasonable, since we want people to come here, get value, and keep returning, so it's in our best interest to not drive people away with arbitrary horse-pucky and power-tripping. So, don't pee in our pool, and we'll try not to rain on your parade. Also, no smoking please. Ashes and smoke make the place smell bad, and the butts clog the filters.]

If any modified terms and conditions are not acceptable to you, your only recourse is to cease using the Site and, if applicable, terminate your Account (defined below). By continuing to use the Site following posting of any modified terms and conditions, you accept and agree to be bound by the modified terms and conditions.

[TRANSLATION: We think you understand. If you don't like how we run things, go away. If you like it fine but then we change something and you don't like it anymore, go away.

Well, actually, you could try politely asking why we started doing whatever it is that annoys you or curdles your nads, but chances are, we had a good reason. ]

MHT Site, Forum, and Services Terms of Use

1. The content found on the Site is for informational purposes only. No professional advice is rendered or implied.

[TRANSLATION: We cannot emphasize this enough. We are not medical professionals. Professional Advice actually has a legal meaning - it is advice rendered by acknowledged/registered/certified professional persons in their field of expertise, and it is considered to carry a certain official weight.

Rather, our advice is the advice of experienced, curious, thoughtful guys who have "been there, done that" and not only got the T-shirt, but got some reasonable sense and knowledge from the experience. We are also not mechanics. Never take car advice from us... or at least get a second opinion.

We are no substitute for your doctor. If something we say disagrees strongly with something that your doctor says, well it is vaguely possible that we could be wrong. It is also possible that your doctor could be wrong (or relying on outdated info). Apply your own brain, weigh the pros and cons. If you can't quite make up your mind who to believe, keep looking. You probably don't have enough information to make an informed decision. We get that a lot. Mostly we don't write info pages until we're pretty sure of our stuff. If we haven't seen enough and thought enough to form a strong opinion, we just won't post it. We'll keep looking. You should apply the same standard. Wait... that was advice... should you take it? Ahhhh. Now you are starting to think. Good. Keep it up.

Careful though - you don't want to go _too_ far with this think-for-yourself stuff, and turn into a libertarian...]

2. The Site is intended for persons who are at least eighteen (18) years or older. If you are under eighteen (18), please do not use the Site.

[TRANSLATION: That's one of those liability-fetish statements. We couldn't possibly know if you are under 18. If you ARE under 18 and wandered into this site looking for adult content... um... sorry kid; it's not that kind of adult content. For you, this would be more like your first anthropological study of a foreign culture - people over 30. We can flatly predict that any advice you hear-or-read in this site will be ignored by you, for no better reason than that it's good, sound, practical advice and you - it seems - are a teenager, so you'll naturally reject it. We understand. That reaction is as natural to you as breathing. You still think you are immortal. Go now. Drive fast. Take chances. Beat the crap out of your youth-is-wasted-on-the-young body. If you survive your youth and stupidity, we'll be here waiting in another ten or fifteen years. Go.
Do something newsworthy... if you can't make us proud, make us giggle.]

3. You may not use the Site or its content or services for any purpose or in any manner, nor upload, email, post, publish, distribute, transmit, submit or otherwise make available through the Site any Content, that: (i) is of an adult, sexual or controversial nature; (ii) violates or infringes another's rights, including but not limited to privacy, publicity or intellectual property rights (iii) is unlawful, in violation of or contrary to the laws or regulations in any state or country where your Content is created, displayed or accessed; (iv) is in breach of these Terms of Use; (v) is fraudulent, false or misleading; (vi) is hateful, tortuous, defamatory, slanderous or libelous; (vii) harasses another user, promotes bigotry, racism, hatred or harm against any group or individual, promotes discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age, or otherwise interferes with another party's use or enjoyment of the Site; (viii) is profane, vulgar, obscene; (ix) is violent or threatening, or promotes violence or actions that are threatening in any way to anyone; (x) promotes illegal or harmful activities or substances (including but not limited to activities that promote or provide instructional information about activities such as making or buying illegal weapons or illegal substances); or (xi) constitutes unsolicited bulk email, "junk mail," "spam" or chain letters.

[TRANSLATION: We are not your Mommy and Daddy, and - as far as the vulgarity goes - we certainly can't get upset at anybody who uses vulgarity that's no worse than our own, but this is not the place for really strong, raunchy stuff that would offend our old drill sergeant.

Keep that sort of crap to yourself. Because this is a men's site, there will probably be occasions when it is reasonable and proper to use some earthy, everyday words to actually talk about something related to the purpose of this site. That said, there is unlikely to ever be a reasonable place to say some of the other words in George Carlin's classic "The Seven Words You Must Not Say On Television". Like? Like "cocksucker" or "motherfucker". We don't want to see that on our site. (Those were just examples, in case you are dull - it was not a complete list.)

With that said, if you are so prissy that you are offended by us stating them as examples, you are too far gone to be a member or user of this site - go away. But in general use, we prefer that we and you do not use such language, and we'll enforce that preference. Besides, by using this site you agree to comply with our minimal nod toward good taste.

The same goes for overtly racist crap. If that's the way you talk, that's the way you are, and we've got no use for you. The same applies to the other types of "speech" that were listed in the legalese paragraph above.

If you are about to hit "send" and you wonder if what you just said will make it past the big guy with the 'censor' button, then maybe you should pause a moment and tone it down before you say something we'll all regret. ]

4. While using this site, you agree to not engage in Offense Theft (tm).

[TRANSLATION: Offense Theft is the taking of offense where none is offered. As we go through life, we find that too many people are literally looking for things to be offended at. We find that attitude more inherently offensive than many of the things that can legitimately offend real people. When we detect Offense Theft being perpetrated, we'll usually give one warning. Then we cut loose on ya.

You never want that to happen.

So don't go looking for reasons to be offended. By using this site, you agree.... etc. etc. ]

5. Do not be politically correct on this site.

[TRANSLATION: It is OK if it happens accidentally, but do not seek it out. We like that no more than we like the related Offense Theft (see previous item).

If you come tattling to the administrator trying to get another user in trouble for failure to be politically correct, we'll automatically take their side until we find out what's really going on. Since we don't like tattlers and fondlers of political correctness, we probably won't make much effort to sort things out and to find in your favor.

Just accept that if you value political correctness, then: a) This place is not a good fit for you, and b) We don't value you. Goodbye. ]

6. Mens-Health-Tips.com ( MHT ) does not refer, endorse, recommend, verify, evaluate or guarantee any information provided by users or Members, any specific Member or any Content, and nothing shall be considered as a referral, endorsement, recommendation or guarantee of any information, Member or Content.

[TRANSLATION: Means what it says.

Especially in forums, people can say stuff that ain't necessarily true.

We, here at the site, are not able to validate claims made by just anybody who happens to post in a forum. If we post somebody's remarks in a testimonial page or sidebar, that's a different story.

But just because you read something in a forum on this site, do not take it as the word of god and do not take it as the word of us .

With that said, we will remove any lying bullshit that we happen to notice - we are not fans of graffiti, and we are not fans of false representation - but there's no guarantee that we'll notice every time. So learn to think for yourself.

The best we can offer is experience and thoughtful guidance. Have we wandered far enough from the meaning of the legalese paragraph? Close the bracket] [ouch! not so hard!]

7. You shall not create or distribute information, including but not limited to advertisements, press releases or other marketing materials, or include links to any sites which offer such information, containing or suggesting an endorsement by MHT of you or your Content.

[TRANSLATION: More precisely, you won't do those things unless you have a written agreement with us to do so.

We do recommend some sites and products and services, from time to time, because either we use their products/services and and find them to be good, or we have some knowledge of them and have recommendations from people we trust.

Our reputation is important to us, and we bloody well WILL pursue you with legal and other means if you crap where we eat. Capiche? ]

8. You will not attempt to gain unauthorized access to any Account other than your own.

[TRANSLATION: Um, yeah. If we do forums and other services like that, you need to be able to trust that the person saying something is... well... the person saying it.

It messes with the vibe of a forum community to have assholes masquerading as other users and putting words in their mouths.

It messes with the fabric of the universe to have assholes pretending to be the forum admin. Don't do that.

For some people, it's really, really hard to not be an asshole. But make the effort if you are going to play in our sandbox(es). After all, by using this site you agree.... yadda-yadda.

If we catch you pretending to be somebody you are not, we'll bounce you and never let you back in. We'll also badmouth you far and wide. So don't.

If you don't like us, you don't need to be here. If you don't like somebody else, you can pursue your quarrels away from our house. If you pretend to be us, and we catch you, we'll sic our lawyers on you and anybody who smells like you. Because... by using this site you agree to behave and not do shit like that. And if you are not a person of your word, then we have no respect for you and no use for you.]

9. If you become a Member, you will provide true, accurate and complete registration information and shall maintain as current and promptly update relevant personal contact information provided to MHT .

[TRANSLATION: If we ask for an e-mail address, it's so we can contact you if necessary. We don't spam. We don't sell mailing lists. That would be SO tacky.

If we ever provide some kind of service where we need more info than that, we'll explain carefully why it's needed, and have a strong policy for keeping it secure. We prefer just not having the responsibility, so a working e-mail account is probably all we'll ever ask for. Humor us.

It doesn't have to be your primary account. Doesn't everybody have a bunch of Gmail accounts that they use for exactly this sort of purpose?

But again, use one that you'll check once in a while - or forward it to your "real" account, in case we do need to get in touch with you some day. Deal?]

10. You will not attempt to obtain any information or materials relating to the Site through any means not intentionally made available through the Site, or attempt to gain unauthorized access to the MHT databases, computer systems or networks associated with the Site.

[TRANSLATION: We are here doing our thing peaceably, and you agree not to hack us or try to steal from us or our users. ]

11. You will not engage in any activity that disrupts, diminishes the quality of, interferes with the performance of or impairs the functionality of the Site.

[TRANSLATION: We're here to serve our users/readers/viewers. Don't get in our way or theirs. By using this site at all, you agree not to do nasty shit like that... so just don't.]

12. You may not reprint, republish, repost, or otherwise distribute or transmit content, videos or images presented on this site. Unauthorized use of or copying of our content, trademarks, and other proprietary material will subject violators to civil or even criminal liability.

[TRANSLATION: We are not entirely down with copyright law as it currently works, but we'll hound your ass in court and by other means if you steal our stuff. You can quote us if you acknowledge where you got the material. You can use our videos (jeez, how desperate ARE you?) if you keep them intact and acknowledge that they are ours, not yours.

For example, graphic stuff on this site that is not made by us is mostly copped from wikipedia, and we readily admit it, but they have a free-use policy, so it's ok.

We have a mostly-free use policy. Our primary concern is that we be acknowledged for our stuff. We made this, and we're mostly kinda proud of it... even the doofus made-in-the-basement videos. ]

13. No advertising, trading of goods or services, or other commercial use is allowed except in classified ad forums. No bulk email, junk mail or spam, chain letters, or repeat postings of the same message is permitted anywhere on the forums.

[TRANSLATION: Pretty obvious; we're not Craig's List - don't spam us or our guests.

If you want to repeat a message, then edit. Trim. Repeat only the key items and have something new to say about what was said before.]

14. Please use your own "name" when posting to the discussion forums. Do not impersonate anyone else.

[TRANSLATION: By that, we mean "user name". You don't have to use your real civilian name here. While it certainly suggests a certain amount of integrity and belief in any position you present, that's an illusion - nut-jobs are often pretty sure of themselves and ever-so-earnest too... and besides, you could be lying that that's your name.

So 'handles' or 'usernames' are fine as long as you don't use somebody else's.

We really don't like it much when people use multiple 'handles' or usernames to argue with themselves, trying to make one of their personas look good. That is SO lame. ]

15. Treat other subscribers with courtesy and respect when posting messages within the discussion groups. Abuse toward any subscriber will not be tolerated.

[TRANSLATION: Play nice and you can play in our sandbox with our other friends. Play mean and nasty, and we'll send you home and not let you in any more. We might tell your Mommy.

In other words, the Golden Rule applies - treat others as you would have them treat you. ]

16. Please avoid shouting (using all capital letters for multiple words) in the discussion forums.

[TRANSLATION: Oh, don't be a prissy idiot. ONE WORD (or even two), all-caps, is NOT shouting. It's emphasis. We do it ourselves.

BUT WRITING WHOLE SENTENCES LIKE THIS, ON THE OTHER HAND, _IS_ CONSIDERED SHOUTING, AND IT'S RUDE. Don't do it.]

17. Do not use vulgarity, obscenity, profanity, ethnic slurs, hate speech, or sexually explicit language, or harass, abuse, or threaten other subscribers in the discussion forums.

[TRANSLATION: OK, _we_ are sometimes vulgar (didn't we already talk about this?), so we won't call you on it unless it bothers more people than it amuses. But those other things? You know what they mean. Don't do that or we'll boot you. You already agreed to play nice in our sandbox, and if you are not as good as your word, what are you good for? ]

18. You agree not to libel or defame others in the discussion forums.

[TRANSLATION: Pretty much what it says.

If you say nasty things about somebody, that aren't true, they can sue your pants off, and we'll help them do it, and you've already agreed that we have the right to do so.

And if you say something nasty about somebody, that _is_ true, you'd better be able to prove it to a standard of evidence that will stand up in a court of law, or... see previous sentence.

For example, if you behave like a jerk, in writing, I can call you a jerk - state flatly that you are one - because I can refer back to the written record to prove it. If I just think you are a jerk, I can't state it as a fact... but I can state that it is my opinion that you are a jerk. See the difference?

NOW WAIT A MINUTE! What's all this talk about 'jerks' anyway? You aren't a jerk. You are a nice guy who is joining our little group to get some good and useful information and maybe share some of same. Right? Right. Let's say no more of this 'jerk' stuff. ]

19. When you post content in the discussion forums, you permit this site to display and distribute the content, and to use it for advertising and promotion. You grant to this site the complete, perpetual, non-exclusive right to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, translate, distribute, sub-license, etc. the content in whole or in part, throughout the world and universe, on a royalty-free basis.\

[TRANSLATION: If you post, we own it as much as you do, and can do what we like with it, but it's still your words, so you are still free to do whatever else you might wish to do with them. In other words, someday, something that you said on our site might appear in two books, yours and ours, and that's fine. By using this site and posting in our forums, you agree to such use by us without need for further permission from you. We, on the other hand, have no desire to prevent you from copying your own words (that you might have written here) to use in your own publication. Just don't use our words (or images) or somebody else's without acknowledging where you got them.

For our part, we will try to acknowledge who said something if we ever repeat for publication, but since words are posted with only "usernames" or handles, we don't have your real identity to refer back to, do we? ]

20. We do not try to edit or to monitor messages posted on the discussion forums, but we reserve the right to edit or remove postings at any time for any reason. MHT is not responsible for material appearing in the forum. The person posting a message is solely responsible for the message content.

[TRANSLATION: Pretty hard to miss what that says. If somebody craps in our forums, we'll try to clean it up if we know about it, as a service and courtesy to our other guests, but (as we might have mentioned earlier) we're not your Mommy.

We are NOT responsible for your words and actions. You are.

We are NOT responsible for the other guy's words and actions. HE is.

Think of us like the Post Office or the phone company. They are not responsible for whatever crazy, criminal (or both) things are said via their services. ]

21. Violators of these terms may be permanently banned from using the forums, or have their memberships terminated at the sole discretion of MHT .

[TRANSLATION: oh, c'mon! Aren't you getting the hang of this by now?

Copyright and Trademark Law

All editorial content, videos and graphics on this site are protected by U.S. and Canadian copyright and international treaties and may not be copied or re-used without the express written permission of this site, which reserves all rights.

Limitation of Liability

THIS SITE PROVIDES THE INFORMATION, SERVICES AND PRODUCTS ON THIS WEBSITE "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. YOU ALSO AGREE THAT THIS SITE SHALL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY CONTENT FOUND ON THE THIS SITE'S FORUMS AND THAT YOUR USE OF THIS SITE'S FORUMS AND ANY DOWNLOADING OF MATERIALS FOUND ON OR THROUGHOUT THE THIS SITE OR FORUMS IS DONE AT YOUR OWN RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGES TO YOUR COMPUTER OR DATA OR SELF THAT RESULTS.

ALL EXPRESS WARRANTIES AND ALL IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT OF PROPRIETARY RIGHTS ARE HEREBY DISCLAIMED TO THE FULL EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW. THIS SITE DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE USE OF OR PERFORMANCE OF THIS WEBSITE WILL BE TIMELY, UNINTERRUPTED OR FREE OF ERROR, OR THAT THIS WEBSITE OR ITS SERVER WILL BE FREE OF VIRUSES. IN NO EVENT SHALL THIS SITE, ITS OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, AGENTS AND EMPLOYEES BE LIABLE FOR ANY LOSS OR INJURY, DIRECT OR INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, OR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER ARISING FROM THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF THIS WEBSITE OR FROM ANY INFORMATION, SERVICES OR PRODUCTS PROVIDED THROUGH THIS WEBSITE, EVEN IF THIS SITE HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. IN THE EVENT THAT APPLICABLE LAW PREVENTS THE EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR CERTAIN WARRANTIES, SUCH EXCLUSION DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU TO THE EXTENT LIMITED BY LAW.

DISCLAIMER

Mens-Health-Tips.com ( MHT ) provides this website as a service.

While the information contained within the site is periodically updated, no guarantee is given that the information provided in this website is correct, complete, and/or up-to-date.

The materials contained on this website are provided for general information purposes only and do not constitute legal or other professional advice on any subject matter. Mens-Health-Tips.com ( MHT ) does not accept any responsibility for any loss which may arise from reliance on information contained on this site.

Permission is given for the downloading and temporary storage of one or more of these pages for the purpose of viewing on a personal computer. The contents of this site are protected by copyright under international conventions and, apart from the permission stated, the reproduction, permanent storage, or retransmission of the contents of this site is prohibited without the prior written consent of Mens-Health-Tips.com (MHT ) UNLESS such reproduction is unfailingly accompanied by full attribution.

[TRANSLATION: our stuff is our stuff. If you want to use it, don't steal it. Borrow it and always include a full, complete, and highly visible statement of where you got it, and who it really belongs to -- us, here at the Mens-Health-Tips.com website and emporium of interesting stuff.]

Some links within this website may lead to other websites, including those operated and maintained by third parties. Mens-Health-Tips.com (MHT ) includes these links solely as a convenience to you, and the presence of such a link does not imply a responsibility for the linked site or an endorsement of the linked site, its operator, or its contents (exceptions may apply).

[Translation] We link out to stuff that we find interesting or useful, but we can't control what somebody does on the other end. A link that was good and useful yesterday might have been displaced by porn or hate (another kind of porn), and we would not necessarily be aware that it had happened. So:

a) if that happens, it's not our fault, and probably not intentional on our part, and

b) you should let us know if any link from our site is broken or goes somewhere vile and nasty... we do want to clean up such unpleasantness when we're alerted to it.

This website and its contents are provided "AS IS" without warranty of any kind, either express or implied, including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement.

OK, it's finally over. You can go back to whatever it was you were doing.

Still here?

Shoo!

Can't you take a hint? The Terms and Conditions are done. Stop reading and go somewhere.

Beat it!

Take.... a.... hike!

Scram! Dammit!

GET OUT ! ! !